Mark Teixeira ditches Scott Boras

Happier Times with Tex and Boras

Huge baseball fan. Not a Yankee fan. Huge Teixeira fan. Not a Boras fan. Those are the facts… the end result? Suck it, Boras! HAHA! “Thanks for that cool $180 mill you got me when I signed with New York. Peace out!” Why is this so freaking funny to me? Maybe it’s because Boras just oozes narcissism, caring nothing about the game of baseball and everything about his pocketbook. I get it, he’s a businessman, but man, doesn’t mean I have to like his smug ass. Yeah, yeah, I know Boras still gets paid, but I just love the idea that he got fired. Here’s what Tex actually said in response to dropping Boras.

“Sometimes, business relationships just run their course. Now that the contract is over with, I don’t want to be ‘Scott Boras client.’ I want to be Mark Teixeira, baseball player, helping this team win championships. Scott did a great job getting me my contract. I wanted to be in New York from the beginning, and everything that I’ve asked for has come through so far. And from here on out, there’s no reason to worry about the contract. It’s all about winning championships and helping out the community.”

Tex, I know you’re reading this… I know you haven’t officially signed with another agent yet, so I would like to officially offer my services as your agent. I will be awesome for you. Here is my price… whatever any other agent offers you, minus $50k, or whatever equivalent that might be in percentage points. Boom. How do you turn that down? You don’t. That’s the cost equivalent of the cadillac of mini-vans for the family. That discount is offered to you and you alone…beats everybody else in the market. I’m not gonna sit here and attach my resume for the world wide interweb to see, but I’ll tickle your interest a bit. I’m totally a people person. I love to watch baseball. I can easily do (=SUM) commands in excel. My dad played first base in all of his softball leagues. One time, in Little League, a mom asked me to autograph a home run ball I hit because she was so certain I would be in the pros one day. True story. I have been to the old Yankee stadium and I plan on going to the new one someday. Your role model growing up was Don Mattingly. Donnie Baseball was a hard worker. I’m a hard worker. The parallels are endless. Listen, man, I could go all day with this list, but I think I’ve made it pretty clear that I’m qualified to be your agent. Have your people tweet my people, I look forward to locking this thing up soon.


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