This Just In: OxyContin is Addictive, Leads to Attempted Robbery in San Diego

POINT LOMA — San Diego police are looking for a man who tried to rob a pharmacy of the painkiller OxyContin on Monday afternoon, authorities said.

The man, described as 5-feet-8 with a medium build and in his 40s, entered a Vons grocery store in Liberty Station on Rosecrans Street near Womble Road, shortly after 5:15 p.m.

He was wearing a white mask and carrying an object hidden under a towel and a hard hat as he approached the pharmacy, San Diego police said.

Witnesses “thought it might be a gun, but nobody asked to see it,” Officer Dino Delimitros said.

The man fled the store after his demand was not granted

Ok, let’s get the jokes out of the way first. Drug thief: “I demand some Oxy.” Pharmacist: “No.” The man flees. HAHA. Perfect. I know that everybody has their personal vices that they deal with… drugs have never been mine. Never done anything. Not without a prescription, at least. I had a sports hernia a few years back, and they gave me OxyContin for the pain. I had literally never heard of it. Just figured it was heavy ibuprofen or something. I remember Mac saying… “whatever you do, do NOT drink booze with it… I know people that have died from mixing it.” Gee, that would’ve been nice for the pharmacy to tell me. (I know, I know… it’s probably written on the bottle, but hell, it’s on the tylenol bottle too, right?) So, I took this stuff and it’s the only time in my life I’ve hallucinated. Nothing crazy like the psychedelic pink elephants from Dumbo… I just remember laying there, eyes closed, blanket up to my chin…feeling super hot, like burning hot… so I reached down, pulled the blanket off…and let out this huge sigh of cold relieve. This freezing cold sensation came over me as the air from the room hit me, and it felt amazing because I had been so hot. Then I opened my eyes. Blanket was still on me… up to my chin. The hell?

Anyway, drug addictions are serious, and if this cat is robbing the pharmacy, he’s got a serious problem. I remember that Lindsay Lohan had Oxy on her list of drugs she was addicted to. Not cool. Speaking of… everybody knows that drugs rot you up from the inside out, but want to know what drugs can do to your teeth? You know, something people can actually see? Oh hi Lindsay.

I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. Nice rot.

Don’t do drugs.


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