So, I was checking out this story about a new species of snake discovered in East Africa, called “Matilda’s horned viper”. Beautiful looking snake. Crazy that they’re still discovering new species of anything. Well, then I clicked on a link to lead me “Atomic Betty”. HOW HAVE I NEVER HEARD OF ATOMIC BETTY!?
HP – Atomic Betty, believed to be Australia’s biggest snake, weighed in at 302 pounds this week at the Australian Reptile Park in Gosford, New South Wales. According to Sky News, it took six park employees a half hour to secure Betty for her weigh-in.
Tim Faulkner, the park’s operations manager, explained to The Sydney Morning Herald that Betty had been placed on a diet to try to limit her size. “She didn’t grow by a lot and that’s because we actually stopped her from consuming as much food. This year she only had about three or four goats as opposed to maybe 10 because she was getting a little bit too round rather than getting longer.”
Ha. She ate 10 goats a year! Down to 4 for the diet. It took 6 big Aussie dudes (and a chick for the photo) half an hour to carry Betty to her weigh-in. Unreal. I love Atomic Betty. 
Wasn’t until I google’d Atomic Betty that I realized it’s some weird little cartoon girl. Talk about pulling a 180° on a name, huh? I’ll see your cute little cartoon wonder-girl… and I’ll raise you the biggest snake on the planet. When I was in college, my brother bought me a baby snake. An albino Colombian red tail boa constrictor. Named her Leviathan. She was about one foot long and the width of my thumb. Now, she’s over seven feet long and as thick as my calves. She lives with my dad now, which may or may not have been a critical factor in my wife saying “yes.” According to Wiki, Leviathan means, unbeknownst to me, “In Demonology, the Leviathan is one of the seven princes of Hell and its gatekeeper.” That’s pleasant. Anyway, back to the the nickname 180°, my wife didn’t like calling my giant albino boa “Leviathan” so she just started calling her “Skittles.” Not so scary now, are you seventh prince of hell? Taste the freaking rainbow! Just like that, the snake’s not as scary. So, cheers to you Atomic Betty…and your harmless little nickname.
Aside: If you watch the video on the story link above, it’s produced by the International Business Times, who as you may remember, are professionals through and through.
-bp
[lobbed by Moff]