Federal Court confirms: Stephen Baldwin is no Ray Kinsella

So that happened.

Couple of Hollywood heavies… in federal court.  Stephen Baldwin claimed Costner cheated him on a business deal.  Costner says nope, and defends his reputation in court.

Here’s a more likely scenario… Costner DID cheat Mr. Baldwin, then accepted the lawsuit…for sport.

I mean seriously…

Ok, Stephen Baldwin does have Usual Suspects under his belt… but with Kevin Spacey, Gabriel Byrne, Benicio Del Toro and Chazz Palminteri as costars… let’s be honest… Daniel Baldwin could’ve nailed this role.

Costner’s thinking, “He what?  Wants to take me to court?  Really? [pause] Really? [higher pitch voice]  Cool.”

I mean…c’mon. If it’s Costner vs Alec… the Baldwin’s have a shot.  Barely.

But Stephen?  Please.  Oh Stephen…your choice of courtroom opponents is as dubious as your script choices.

Here’s the thing…the anti-Baldwin bias is out there.  It’s real.  It’s well-earned.  Don’t fight it.  Is there an American acting family that’s more delightfully hateable? (The Kardashians don’t act) You think the judge was impartial?   Or that he didn’t have his mind made up before hearing a shred of testimony?   The jurors?  Please… they are you and me.  Justice is mostly blind.

Alec, Stephen, William, Daniel.

You saw the photo up top of them heading into court.  Take a good look at Stephen, tell me these jurors couldn’t wait for closing arguments to wrap up so they could rule against this douche.

Annnnd…Surprise!  After a 2-week trial, jurors deliberated…less than 2hrs, and ruled with Costner.   Great hustle, jury members.  And then, after autographs and pics, jurors hurried home to watch the final episode of Hatfields & McCoys.

Here are two actual newspaper headlines…

”Stephen Baldwin gets zilch!” – Fox

“Stephen Baldwin awarded nothing” –Washington Post

Baldwin-bias much, Mr. Newspaper Man?

Even as a fish-man, Costner wins.  A FISH-MAN!!  He could’ve walked in there wearing a seaweed/leather/spandex suit, and walked out victorious.  (Not sure his assault harpoon woulda made it past the metal detectors, but he’d’ve still been fine)

Can’t wait for Stephen’s next venture.

To Mr. Costner… (pretty sure you’re reading)  Call me next time you’re in SD.  Maybe…maybe we can go sailing or something.



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