Soda + PS3 + Peanut Butter + Crockpot + Gatorade = Felony

Another edition of… “So that happened…” Compliments of the greater Syracuse, NY area.

Croghan, NY—A 28-year-old woman faces a felony charge after she threw multiple items, including a jar of peanut butter, a crock pot insert, and a Play Station 3 remote, during a series of domestic disputes over 15 hours, Lewis County Sheriff’s deputies said.

Deputies charged Cindy L. Miller, of The Beehive Apt.,#20, early Monday morning with felony third-degree criminal mischief and two counts of fourth-degree criminal mischief, both misdemeanors. Miller and her boyfriend, Phillip T. Peck, 30, of The Beehive Apt. #18, were involved in a series of domestic disputes over 15 hours, deputies said.

During the disputes deputies said Miller threw multiple items at Peck that belonged to him. They include, a full can of soda and a jar of peanut butter, which he was able to avoid. She threw a Play Station 3 remote, damaging it.

Miller also threw a full bottle of Red Gatorade striking a 32-inch flat screen television, damaging it. She threw a 5 quart ceramic crock pot insert at a wall in the apartment breaking it into pieces, deputies said. The crock pot belonged to Richard H. Butts, 42, of 9805 State Route 812, Croghan, authorities said. Miller was arraigned in the Village of Lowville Justice Court, and sent to the Lewis County Jail in lieu of $2,000 cash bail.

The New York State Police assisted in the case.

An otherwise mundane story is given a huge breath of life by this crime-beat journalist who’s, apparently, looking to climb the corporate ladder. Charley Hannagan, making a name for himself and providing exceptionally detailed reporting.  Either that, or he’s getting back at a boss who requested he “put more effort” into his work.  “Ohh, more detail?  No problema.”   Either way… from this article…we know…

  1. Name, age, address of Cindy Miller, the charged felon
  2. Name, age, address of Phillip Peck, the victim
  3. Who owned the peanut butter, the victim
  4. Who owned the full can of soda, the victim
  5. Who owned the [now damaged] video game controller, the victim
  6. Gatorade preference, Fruit Punch
  7. Name, age, address of Richard Butts, the random who’d lent his 5-quart slow cooker to, what turns out to be, a modestly unstable individual

Regarding #5… I’m speculating this may’ve been part of her disagreeable temperament.  Playstation.  To quote Mallrats “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned for Sega.”  I’m certain this might’ve been heard in the course of the 15-hr ordeal…“I said I’d take you to Perkins AFTER I complete this Call of Duty level.  One more friggin’ level.”  -Phil

The article wraps up with Ms. Miller sent to jail IN LIEU OF $2000 bail.  In English that means “instead of”… meaning her boyfriend chose jail rather than trouble himself cobbling together bail money.  “Teach you to throw MY peanut-butter, biaaatch.”  Ahhh… finally some war gaming in peace.

This whole saga: a giant slow-clap moment…captured in photos.

-caster

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