The “Chubby Bandit” Nickname is an Insult to Everyone

Look at that dude. Apparently he’s just been robbing banks all over San Diego. Does that dude looks “chubby” to you? Not at all. He’s just normal. I mean, sure his shirt’s too big. So what. He’s not skinny, no…but he’s not fat either… he’s normal. Chubby dudes should be offended by this nickname. “Because of the suspect’s size, estimated at 180 to 200 pounds, agents have nicknamed the suspect the “Chubby Bandit.”” Seriously? 180 lbs is my prime fighting weight…from freaking high school. At 180, I’d be so yoked, your friggin’ head would spin. (What’s that? Another opportunity to put up my college disco picture? Don’t mind if I do.)

There. I did it. That photo right there… I’m on the right… I’m between 185 and 190. What a chubby bastard I am. Time to step up your nickname game, San Diego. Amateur hour up in here.

Also, law of averages here…because lobsters are everywhere, this Chubby Bandit is reading this post right now. So, you’re welcome for the publicity, and yes, when you get caught, I’d be happy to do your exclusive jail cell interview.


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