“Jim Irsay – An NFL Owners Guide to Being a Bro”

That’s what Colts owner Jim Irsay tweeted last night with this text, “It’s playoff time,ya’ll….time to let The Monster feed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Oh, and in case you missed it the first time, he went ahead and tweeted it again a few minutes later, “It’s time to let The Monster get out of it’s cage to feed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” That’s a lot of exclamation points, old man.

This man is an NFL owner. His Colts, inspired by CHUCKSTRONG and led by rookie Andrew Luck, managed to go 11-5 this year. That’s right, a playoff-bound 11-5, while the Dean Spanos/AJ Smith/Norv Turner/Philip Rivers led Chargers finished 7-9. Yet, here we are looking a picture of a bat-shit crazy Jim Irsay playing the part of “The Monster.” I feel like I could write a dissertation on this crap. Multiple dissertations, actually. Working titles might include:

  • Is Jim Irsay drunk or high?
  • How to be a frat bro when you’re 53 and gray.
  • “Slim with a tilted brim…what’s my muthaf**kin’ name?”
  • An NFL owners guide to buying nude bathroom art
  • A grandpas guide to wearing tight Affliction-esque tshirts with thick stitched designer jeans.
  • Letting “The Monster” out of its cage to feed.
  • How to make worse decisions than teenagers on twitter… when you’re 53.

I feel like I could go on forever… this man is clinical. Remember what he tweeted to Rob Lowe? What a nut job.

-bp

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Ray Lewis Retires…

Ray Lewis’ motivational speaking career is coming to a high school auditorium near you…

Oh, and good luck to the Ravens D if Ed Reed hangs up the cleats too.

-bp

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It Feels Real Now, Samantha…

We all knew you married Christian, but seeing “Ponder” at the end of your name, Samantha… makes it real. I know that the single lobster dudes out there are very disappointed. Most will continue to refer to you as Samantha Steele, and the rest will have to go back to crushing on Erin Andrews.

Best of luck to you and Christian…

Who’s the genius over at ABC that decided to shorten the Capital One Bowl hashtag to the Capone Bowl? Gangsta…

-bp

[via cj]

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Dick’s Sporting Goods Hates Tim Tebow…

Store manager to display guy: “Sit Tebow’s ass on the bench…and have Sanchez hovering over him too.”  Hahaha.

-bp

[h/t rovell]

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If You’d Never Heard of Jadeveon Clowney – You Have Now

I’d quit football for the rest of my life if I got my clock cleaned like that…

-bp

[SBNation & @bubbaprog]

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And Then There Was One… *update*… None

Coming in hot from all the NFL insider types on twitter, here are all head coaches that have reportedly been fired this morning.

  • Andy Reid — Philadelphia Eagles
  • Pat Shurmur — Cleveland Browns
  • Chan Gailey — Buffalo Bills
  • Romeo Crennel — Kansas City Chiefs
  • Lovie Smith — Chicago Bears
  • Ron Rivera — Carolina Panthers (conflicting reports)

And then there was one…

  • Norv Tuner — San Diego Chargers

**UPDATE: Norval and AJ have both been fired.**

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock…

-bp

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Feel Good Freshness: JJ Watt is Awesome

He tweeted, “Our new friends from Newtown, CT.” What a stud.

-bp

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Chargers 2012 Team Voted Awards – Weddle is MVP

Chargers.com – Last week, the Chargers voted for their 2012 team awards.  This morning, head coach Norv Turner announced the six winners during their morning meeting.

Most Inspirational Player – Takeo Spikes

What Takeo Spikes has been able to do is nothing short of remarkable, and fittingly, his teammates recognize it.  The 36-year old is in his 15th NFL season and recorded his 200th NFL career start earlier this year. Most importantly, Spikes has not only played but has made an impact while out on the field.  He’s appeared and started in every game, playing through injuries to rank second on the team with 77 tackles.

Special Teams Player of the Year – Mike Scifres

Mike Scifres is a special player, able to punt consistently with precision and power. Like Spikes, he has battled through an assortment of injuries on his way to another impressive season.  In his 10th season, Scifres has punted the ball 76 times for an average of 48.2 yards per kick.  He has downed 30 of them inside the 20-yard line and booted a long of 66 yards.

Lineman of the Year – Nick Hardwick

Voted one of the team’s offensive captains prior to the season, Nick Hardwick has rewarded his teammates’ faith in him with another stellar season. While injuries have ravaged the offensive line, forcing players in and out of the lineup, Hardwick has started every game.  He’s played every snap except for a handful against the Pittsburgh Steelers when he suffered a neck injury.  But even then, he shook off the injury to come back and provide stability for a decimated offensive line that ended up scoring the most points in franchise history in Pittsburgh.

Defensive Player of the Year – Corey Liuget

Arguably the team’s most improved player, Corey Liuget has been a disruptive force all season long on the defensive line.  The second-year player ranks second on the team with 7.0 sacks in addition to 48 tackles, one forced fumble and one fumble recovered. Liuget is also amongst the league leaders for defensive linemen in pass defensed, knocking nine balls down at the line of scrimmage.

Offensive Player of the Year – Malcom Floyd

Malcom Floyd was enjoying his finest season before an ankle injury in the waning moments against the Carolina Panthers that ended his season two weeks premature.  Nonetheless, the seven-year veteran leads the team with 56 catches for 814 yards, good for a 14.5 yards per reception average.  At the time of his injury he also paced the club with five touchdowns.

Most Valuable Player – Eric Weddle

Simply put, Eric Weddle is one of the biggest game changers in the NFL today.  A star at free safety, he is lethal against both the run and the pass.  The sixth-year veteran was named one of the team’s defensive captains prior to the season and responded with another standout year. Weddle leads the team with 89 tackles, three interceptions, two forced fumbles and one defensive touchdown.

No Gaither?! This entire list is bullsh*t!

-bp

[kidding aside, no surprises here… but I think Scifres got snubbed as team MVP.]

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The Best Blanket in the History of Mankind…

I will never forgive my friends and family for not getting me this for Christmas…

-bp

[via imgur]

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I Can’t Tell You How Badly I Want to Party With This Guy…

Sadly, the Pale Hose aren’t coming to SD this year, but when they do, make the trip, big guy… drinks are on me.

-bp

[pic via barstool chicago]

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