Francisco Liriano Shoves a No-Hitter up Gardenhire’s Ass

(AP Photo/Charles Rex Arbogast)

You sir, are my Man Crush of the Week. Minnesota Twins pitcher Francisco Liriano threw the first no-hitter of the 2011 Major League Baseball season. A few things are awesome about this. He had a 9.13 ERA going into the game. Awesome. No-hitters with a final score of 9-0 are lame, like a wasted performance. The Twins only mustered up one run of their own, so they really needed Liriano to be nails up there. Nails. That what you think of with a no-no, right? The pitcher just dealing? Meh, not so much. He struck out two, and walked six. Kinda makes me love this more… because it was so far from a perfect game. Oh, and if you’re wondering where his motivation came from… Twins manager Ron Gardenhire spoke publicly about dumping Liriano from the starting rotation altogether. Hmmm…I guess he gets to hang around a little while longer, eh, Ron? And the most amazing part of this no-hitter? It was not against the San Diego Padres. Taste it, White Sox.

-bp

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Doug Flutie’s Daughter is a New England Patriots Cheerleader

I’m only borrowing your Humvee. Hello, Alexa. I’m a bit frustrated at this. Belichick swiped up one of our own from right under our noses. Just one more junkpunch from Boston to San Diego. Where were you on this one, Norval? Doug Flutie’s daughter, Alexa Flutie, whom Showman went to school with at La Jolla High School… is now a New England Patriots Cheerleader. So, first Tony LaRussa’s daughter joined the Oakland Raiders organization as a Raiderette, and now we’ve got Alexa Flutie joining the, um, Patriotettes? The Raiders are the worst and the Patriots are a close second. We first heard the news from Larry Brown Sports. Thanks, guys.  She’s young and cute….definitely been eating her Flutie Flakes. So, I get it. But it doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it… and no matter what he says, Doug Flutie is for damn sure not happy about it.

-bp

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Juan Uribe Misses Brian Wilson’s Beard

Just stumbled upon a nice little tumblr blog, thanks to Dave Brown (@AnswerDave on Twitter) and Cee (@CeeAngi on Twitter) dedicated to Juan Uribe. It’s just amazing. Poor lil guy. Here’s a couple of my favorites. The rest can be found here.

-bp

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Lorenzo Lamas is DEAD

Ok, Lorenzo Lamas is not actually dead… but his friggin’ name is. Dude had one of the coolest names in show business, and he went and flushed it down the toilet. Our boy Mac pointed out to us that he got married to his fifth wife this past weekend, Shawna Craig. Yes, fifth. TMZ managed to gather the critical piece of info on this wedding… he’s taking her last name. Meet Lorenzo Craig. This is disturbing information indeed. I’m 99% surethat I own a pair of Frye boots that were worn by Lorenzo Lamas’. Don’t judge me. I bought them from a wardrobe sale from the studio that produced Renegade. Yes, Renegade. Prove to me that he didn’t wear size 11.5 boots and I’ll drop my certainty percentage down to 98%. Regardless, I’m kind of disappointed in Wikipedia. They were literally updating the NFL teams that players were on before they were officially announced in the draft last week, and yet… they still don’t have his new last name. What they do have, however, is this little nugget that makes me want to puke. “Lamas got married for the fifth time with his fiancée of more than a year Shawna Craig, 24, in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico on April 30, 2011. His daughter Shayne Lamas, 25, attended her father’s wedding.” That’s right, his new wife is younger than his daughter. Gross, bro. My brother is 2 years younger than me and I remember feeling like a creep when I dated a girl that was younger than him.

This is that… times a billion. You’re a sick man, Mr. Craig.

Mr. Craig? I want to wash my mouth out with soap just saying it. The Renegade is no longer. All that’s left now is a gross old man. Bad news? Now I have to sell my boots. Good news? He’s got a 5 year plan. What is it? Don’t die.

-bp

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Padres Doin’ it Right: Honoring Troops With Camo Unis

Wade LeBlanc (AP Photo/Lenny Ignelzi)

Padres management isn’t as dumb as their record might suggest. Tonight, the boys will be wearing their camouflage uniforms against the Pittsburgh Pirates to honor America’s Troops one day after President Obama announced the death of Osama Bin Laden. Generally, they only wear these camo unis at home Sunday games, but Dan Hayes of the North County Times (@NCTPadres) is reporting that the players made this request. That’s badass. Good work, boys. I’ve got my money on Heath Bell being the ring leader for this. All speculation though. Reports also say that they will honor a moment of silence for the victims of 9/11 prior to the game at Petco Park. Oh, if you present your military ID at the game, you get two free tickets… also badass. I love this move… and as much as I love that Bin Laden is dead, here’s hoping the San Diego Padres are smart enough to note that they are wearing to uniforms to honor the troops and those that lost loved ones or gave their lives to serve this country… not to celebrate the killing of a mass-murderer. He doesn’t deserve that recognition…he’s a dead piece of trash.

-bp

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Obama Bin Laden? Fox News is the Worst

I was blowing up Twitter (@LobShots) last night talking about Fox News was the only news outlet with giant headlines that read “USAMA” Bin Laden, instead of Osama Bin Laden. Welp, this picture pretty much sums up why. Obama Bin Laden? It’s like they’re all sitting around in a room, “Finkle and Einhorn, Finkle and Einhorn, Einhorn and Finkle…” Morons.

-bp

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Osama Bin Laden: Ding, Dong…The Witch is Dead

Osama Bin Laden is dead. “Justice has been done,” announced President Obama on Sunday night. It’s such a bizarre feeling to be so happy about somebody getting killed. Regardless of your political beliefs or views…there is one less mass murdering asshole on the planet. That’s a fantastic thing. Great day for America. Great day for the world. Here’s one of the billion stories out there about his death, this one from ABC. Somebody with time and resources at their fingertips needs to tell me how high this spiked President Obama’s approval ratings.

It was a great speech that Obama gave, but man… just kinda left me with a thousand questions. I cannot WAIT for all the details to come out about this. I have SO many questions. Here are just a few. Is this photo of a dead Bin Laden fake? I think so, but if you want to see for yourself, (warning: graphic) go here. After 10 years of hunting in caves, is it true that Special Forces finally called Jack Bauer in as team lead? Chuck Norris? Steven Seagal? Dog? So there’s a video inside the compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan. Is there video of the actual take down? What’s this about the Navy Seals having to blow up one of their own helicopters? Or did it just crash and blow up?  The USA dumped his body the ocean? Davy Jones Locker? What’s up with that? They were burning their trash at the compound instead of putting out to be picked up? How was that not a red flag earlier, or is that normal in Pakistan? The Seals killed his son too? Are there more of them? Bin Laden was shot in the face? In the left eye? How badass is that?! I wonder how T-Boz and Chilli feel about it? Who was the guy, a Navy Seal presumably, that got off the left eye shot? He’s my new man crush of the week…hell, of the decade.

As joyful as American’s are that Bin Laden has been killed, hopefully America’s leaders and armed forces are equally cautious to any sort of counterattack by Al Qaeda. Safe to say those effers are pissed off…whatever is left of them. Stand guard in triumph, USA, for I fear this fight is far from over. One last question… How many “likes” does the “Osama Bin Laden is DEAD” Facebook page have now?

-bp

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Gangs Love to Steal

Stealing logos and hats from Major League Baseball wasn’t enough for the gang members. Now they want to take over the Arizona State logo. “The Satan Disciples” are using the ASU logo now. Nice name guys… no plans for Heaven in your future, huh? These guys are just a bunch of big meanies. Stop stealing sports teams’ logos. Stop fighting too.

-bp

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Padres Look Good

Brad Hawpe, Padres 1B

My boy Van Diesel says…”check this site out…look at the Padres stats”. I’ll spare you all the details and just ‘screen shot’ the highlights for you below. Pretty encouraging.

Runs Batted In

Strikeouts

Slugging Percentage

Runs Scored

On-Base Percentage

Batting Average

Keep it up, boys.

-bp

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