My UCSD Diploma Makes Me Smart

I get smarter by the day…because of a piece of paper. I graduated from UCSD. There is no way in hell I could get into UCSD today. Everybody there is a genius now. I think the minimum criteria for acceptance is a perfect SAT score and 5.0 GPA. It’s freaking crazy.

Therefore, even if I get dumber by practice… I get smarter by diploma. This physicist prof that big-leagued the sh*t out of the San Diego police department is the most recent example of how smart my piece of paper makes me. Try to give a UCSD prof a ticket? Here’s what happens. “In his paper “The Proof of Innocence” Dmitri Krioukov, a physicist at the University of California in San Diego, outlined for a judge the mathematical reasons why he was not guilty of running a stop sign. It may seem like a lot of effort for one ticket, but Krioukov is no longer on the hook for the $400 he owed.” Ha! And people say I’m condescending… pfft.

Couple of fun facts for you from my time at UCSD. I had a giant fro. I graduated from John Muir college. The minimum units required to graduate was 180. I had friends that finished, some after six years, with upwards of 260 credits. I graduated after 4 years with, brace yourself, 180.5 credits…and I took gospel choir. Twice. I was on stage as part of the gospel choir ensemble that sang for the graduation. Your boy bp has pipes for days. The keynote speaker at my graduation was Patch Adams…the real guy, not Robin Williams from the movie. After his speech, he thought it’d be a good idea to moon the graduates and all their families in the crowd. That’s all fine and dandy when you’re in the crowd…hysterical… but when you’re on stage, and somebody drops their drawers to moon the crowd…you don’t see ass… you see dick. FML.

A visual from my UCSD days…on 70’s night. I’m on the right. Pre-freshman 15. Save your idiot comments about it.


[prof big-league lobbed by little caster]

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